Log in

Laurone: 1. (Chemistry) A ketone of lauric acid.
20 most recent entries

Date:2010-01-04 19:24
Subject:Ben Harper was wrong.

I can't change the world with my own two hands.

Today, a student at my school told me she gets beaten at home and that her father often cusses at her mom. She is special needs and has rotting teeth and obvious physical characteristics of a crack baby. My co-worker has met her mom and says that she is clearly fucked up. I want to have hope in kids, but this ones life was basically fucked up before she was even born. No wonder she fights and curses all the time. I would too. I wish I could magically fix the lives of all of these kids I work with and give them warm, loving, enriching environments to live and learn in.

I feel helpless. I know all I can only do what I can do, but it just doesn't feel like enough. Something drastically needs to change in this world and I can't do it alone.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2009-03-20 02:39

I just realized that Barack Obama poops. Duh.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2009-01-18 13:35

I've been really busy and really happy. I've been spending all day, everyday in Springfield hanging out with first, second and third graders. It's been exhausting, but also emotionally and intellectually stimulating. And just plain fun. I'm getting stressed about my thesis, but I'm guessing I'll figure it out. Somehow, I managed to find my rose colored glasses, and it's made life a lot better. I've been thinking about optimism in general, but mostly in relation to education. One of the girls I drive to the school with was saying that most of the kids we work with are going to drop-out, anyway. I understand her frustration and cynicism, but it really pissed me off. I mean, working with angry kids who have very legitimate reasons to be angry is overwhelming. But my field, and my life in general, means nothing without hope of progress. If you can't see hope in students, you have no place in a school. Sorry. These kids have seen and experienced things I cannot even imagine, and they still manage to show up to school, mostly happy, ready and loving. They deserve all the hope (and understanding) we can give them. And I deserve all the hope I can give myself. I don't want to live the life of a disillusioned, angry teacher. That doesn't sound fun or rewarding.

Sitting at my desk and looking out at the snowy forest definitely helps me remember to see the beauty in things. Yes, I'm getting fucking fed up with the cold, but I cannot even express how beautiful the forest looks when the snow sticks to the trees. Enough sappiness, sorry.

4 comments | post a comment

Date:2009-01-14 17:11
Subject:yeah yeah

"There is something immoral and sick about using all of that power to not end brutality and poverty, but to break into people's bedrooms and claim that God sent you." -Al Sharpton

post a comment

Date:2008-12-21 11:12

Next to my mom, I think Beno is the smartest person I know.

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2008-12-08 19:20

I just had my last class of Developing Mathematical Ideas, which is this class I took this semester at Mount Holyoke College. Overall, the class has been a great experience, but I was kind of expecting the last class to be bullshit. However, I feel like today's session ended up reminding me of some very important things. The whole course has reshaped my ideas about math, but I wasn't fully able to articulate it until today. At the end of class, we all went around and talked about what has changed for us through taking the course, and I ended up talking about math education being political. I mean, I study education because it is political--I believe that teaching is form of activism. Although I've never really thought of math as part of that political movement. But, after taking this course I think that there IS such thing as math for social change, and even queer/feminist math (although we never directly talked about this aspect in the class). Being able to problem solve and manipulate numbers can be empowering, and that's something I want to foster in kids. I also see math as such a division between the "gifted" and non-gifted, which is so unnecessary and problematic. MATH CAN EMPOWER! MATH IS SOCIAL! MATH IS POLITICAL! MATH IS QUEER!

Mostly, it just feels good to remember why I care so much about education. I mean, of course I knooow it, but I've kind of forgotten to feeeel it. It's good to remember that I AM PART OF A MOVEMENT and it's not the personal drama movement.

I also think I know where I want to go to grad school, but I'm going to give myself about a year to think about that one.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2008-11-14 17:18
Subject:I won't be talking about real (personal) things

I'm planning on attending the protest in Northampton tomorrow against Proposition 8 and all of the other anti-gay propositions passed on the 4th. I feel I should attend because, (a) most importantly, it's a distraction, (b) I feel guilty for not being in California during all of this Prop. 8 stuff, and (c) I'm excited that the LGBTQ community is finally getting pissed about something. However, I have some problems with all of this activism, and I've been thinking about it especially since Ellen and I discussed it last night. First of all, as Ellen pointed out, with the murder of Duanna Johnson this week, it seems like the LGBTQ has their priorities pretty messed up. I mean, I think most of you know how I feel about marriage anyway. It's not an institution I necessarily agree with, but I think that people should have the right to it. But I also think there are more important fights to be fighting. I'm also confused that people are so much more worked up about CA Proposition 8 than Arkansas' adoption ban. I also think the No on Prop. 8 campaign was very flawed. I mean, I'm glad we're learning from our mistakes, but c'mon. It's a huge problem that the No on Prop. 8 campaign pretty much ignored black voters completely. Look at the ads, they're all white people except for that one Ugly Betty one. That's stupid. Stupid. Whatever, I guess this is how change happens?

4 comments | post a comment

Date:2008-11-12 16:27

Everything is very complicated (duh). And I guess I'll be okay with it for now.

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2008-11-05 16:22

This makes me want to barf.

Definitely feeling a little bit less hopeful...

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2008-11-05 00:28


1 comment | post a comment

Date:2008-10-10 15:27
Subject:hampshire is cute

Just got this e-mail that made me smile:

Hi Prescott Residents -

SAGA got a ton of free razors at one point, which they can't return, so they've brought a few boxes over to us, in case any of our residents are interested. Unfortunately these are overly-packaged, environmentally unfriendly, gendered boxes with one razor each in them - we as Prescott House Staff would not choose to promote products like this. However, given that they are here on campus (and on the earth), and are un-returnable, they might as well get used. Anyone who shaves and would like to save themselves $5 or so is welcome to come pick one up in the House Office.
Thank you!

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2008-10-01 15:50
Subject:tell me what

I guess I haven't updated in a while. Things have been a blur since I've been back at school. Overall, this Division III (thesis) thing is stressful but at the same time, I'm not doing too much. Although I am sure this will change once I HAVE MY SHIT FUCKING FIGURED OUT. Um, okay.

Last weekend was "Beno in the Big Apple"!! It was great, particularly because I love both Beno and the Big Apple (and Balls! and the other people who were there, but their names don't start with "B"). Besides drinking a lot and spending quality time with the California kids, we did some exciting site seeing. The highlight for me was going to Wall St. on Friday. The air felt thick on that street, man! I'm so curious to see what's going to happen with this, man.

I missed the debates, but I watched them yesterday on YouTube. Through the past few months, I've gotten wrapped up in the bullshit of the election--you know, the Sarah Palin dissing, the "OMG did McCain really just say that?" and the hope-talkin'. I don't know how that happened, since I usually hate that kind of stuff. This election is just really entertaining and I think it's led me to forget what it's really about.

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2008-08-25 17:41
Subject:patterns are not just decorative

Only a week and 4 more shifts until I head back to Hampshire. This summer has treated me very well, but going back will be fun too. At least at first?

Yesterday I got an exemplary write-up at work. It was really sweet and flattering, but I'm still trying to figure out what it means. Well, I know it means nothing since I'm leaving the job in less than a week.

We had an end-of-summer party on Friday, which was a good time. On Wednesday we're having roommate night. I think this may have been the most successful living experience I've had so far. I love my moddies, but living with your best friends can cause a lot of drama. It's just easier to take advantage of people you feel that comfortable with, you know? I've become good friends with my roommates this summer, but we all still have that feeling of responsibility, since we're not close enough to manipulate the situation. You know? But I'm also excited about the rawness, honesty and constant silliness of living with very close friends.

Oh, and I got a twitter account. Don't even ask me why. My username is muffinear.

post a comment

Date:2008-08-11 11:46
Subject:work tawk

Not much is new besides work. I've been working a lot, which has actually been nice. There are a lot of annoying things about my work, but for the most part I like it. I don't know if I've lucked out or what, but I've never truly disliked a job. I like working. They're opening an Urban Outfitters in Northampton in the fall, and I'm considering transferring. I've told UO that I will, but I've also told the school store that I'm going back there. I just want to wait to figure out what my schedule is like (Div III, wtf is that?). I really like my school store job, mostly because it's really convenient, but there are more financial perks at UO (I actually don't use my discount that much, but Kirsten and my parents like it). But then again, late hours and it being in Noho could get pretty damn inconvenient. I don't think it'll be opening until November or something, so whatever. We'll see, we'll see.

I thought I would vent about some of the annoying things about my job, but now I'm feeling pretty positive about it. I guess I'll leave the ranting for another post.

Oh, and this is the most amazing thing I've see in a while, Paris Hilton's response to McCain's "Celeb" ad:

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die
(Thanks Natalie)

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2008-08-01 00:46
Subject:(sorry grizz and diana)

I'll write a more comprehensive entry soon, but first, I have a question that I have been obsessing about lately.

Do you think committed couples should have a joint bank account? Why or why not?

10 comments | post a comment

Date:2008-07-21 13:36
Subject:so you won't catch a cold

I leave for my California visit tomorrow! I'm really pumped, but also kind of stressed. It's stupid to be stressed, I'm just worried things won't turn out as I hope. I just want my time there to be chill and Claremonty, but my parents seem to want to fill my time with random fun activities. I know, that should be a good thing, but I mostly just want to sit around in parks and the Village like the old days.

People who will be in Claremont next weekend: You're invited to a BBQ at my dad's house on Saturday. It'll be a mom's house style BBQ, but her backyard is fucked up, so it'll be at my dad's. The fusion should be interesting.

I'm looking forward to August, but am kind of freaking out about going back to school. I mean, I miss the valley and Hampshire a lot, but I know that once I start, it won't be long before I'm done with college. I also just like this summer a lot. I really like my living situation, and although I don't see Kirsten that much, I like living with her. I also mind working at UO less and less. I'm learning to blow off the annoying customers and appreciate the nice customers, and getting more comfortable with my co-workers. I'm also excited about UO's back to school clothes, as fall clothes are much cuter than summer clothes (as much as I love summer). See what this job is doing to me? Ayy.

As you may have read in Kirsten's lj, we saw Wall-E this weekend. I loved it, of course. I've been thinking about the political message that everyone keeps talking about, and I'm having a hard time figuring out why people are freaking out so much about it. It seems to me like the message was vague enough that it could be used for a bunch of different agendas. My biggest problem with the movie was how fat-phobic it was. But Kirsten and I have been pretending to be Wall-E and Eve since we saw the movie--they're too cute!!

Peace out east coast! Peace in west coast!

5 comments | post a comment

Date:2008-07-10 14:00

I forgot my mom's birthday. I feel so fucking guilty. 

post a comment

Date:2008-07-04 13:20
Subject:oh girl, shock me like an electric eel

Happy 4th! The 4th of July tends to be my most homesick day of the year. It was always an important holiday growing up in Claremont, and even though I'm anti-patriotism, it's one of my favorite holidays. It involves great food and fireworks, which I love. I also actually like the red/white/blue color combo. So, I spent the past few days being bummed about how today would likely turn out (being in Boston, and without Kirsten--read her lj). But, today I'm feeling great! And I haven't even done anything, it's supposed to rain today and my uncle is here, so these are tough conditions for this good mood, but it's sticking!

I'm also wearing my new Obama shirt that I got yesterday from my place of work! This is the most patriotic outfit I've worn in years!

I think I may have overactive bladder disorder (I hope this isn't TMI). I've always been pretty well hydrated, and I don't think that's changed, but I have been peeing a few times per awake hour (although I hold it more when I'm working), plus 2-4 times per night. It's not a horrible problem to have, but it's pretty inconvenient.

I don't know if I've written this here, but I haven't worn a bra all summer. I'm pretty proud of myself, and I'm kind of loving the flat-chested look.

I watched both seasons of 30 Rock so far this summer, and I'm just getting into Ugly Betty. I really like both of those shows. I've also kind of been getting into The Office, since my roommates watch it all the time. I really love TV. Oh speaking of which, I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED ON TILA.

Okay, that's all. I'm trying to figure out what time I should meet up with Elyse.

I miss Kirsten a lot, but I'm glad (is that an appropriate word to use?) that she is able to go home to spend time with her family during this time. Plus, I've been thinking a lot about her and realizing how lucky I am. I've also been getting really pumped for her return. There are a few things I want us to do together: See Jay Brannan (we already have the tix), see Wall-E, go to the Boston Nature Conservatory and go see the new shark exhibit at the aquarium (if we get free tickets through her work). It's so exciting to think that we only have one more school year of living in different cities/towns. Along those same lines, SHITICANNOTBELIEVEI'MALMOSTDONE. And...DIVIII--WHATTHEFUCK.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2008-06-29 00:24
Subject:high rollas

I saw my first American Express Black Card today! It was heavy!

6 comments | post a comment

Date:2008-06-28 00:54

So, when Kirsten is away, I post on lj once (or more) a day. Suckas!

I didn't end up doing anything exciting today because I ended up picking up a shift. The shift was in housewares, which was pretty strange. That department is just random in general, but it also sucks because I'm responsible for the door, which means that I have to search people when the sensor beeps. Very awkward, particularly since I'm not ethically opposed to stealing from Urban Outfitters (don't tell UO that, though).

This job makes me feel more and more like a boi/y everyday. While we were closing, all the girls working in women's were having this talk about straight relationships and this-is-what-men-do and this-is-what-you-have-to-do-to-make-them-behave (I don't know why I hyphened all of that) and the boys were downstairs and I was working on the landing in between the two, listening to and laughing at the girls, but not at all identifying with it all.

I also overheard these customers talking about some guys they saw and one was like, "I think they were gay" and the other was like "I think they were boyfriends...I think all three of them were boyfriends together." WTF? Who knows, maybe all three of those guys were involved, but it just seemed like a strange conclusion to jump to.

Also, my boss (who is a lesbian) said some weird things about transpeople yesterday. She just kept saying "trannies freak me out...I hate trannies" (the term "tranny" is so weird--I've heard it used on both sides with such drastically different connotations). I didn't know how to respond because, you know, she's my boss. Ugh, life is awkward. I know this anti-trans feeling in the gay/lesbian community is being addressed, but it's so frustrating to me when LGB folks don't GET IT. (Again, this is me being frustrated by the outside-of-Hampshire LGBTQ culture. Or should I say LGB/TQ?)

Okay, that was much longer than I expected it to be. sorry.

3 comments | post a comment

my journal